I was in my local Blockbuster videostore and noticed for the first time in their window, the sign “This store is protected by CCTV.” Now this was strange because they either meant for the sign to say “This store is monitored by CCTV” or “This store is protected by GMCCTV” (standing for “Gun Mounted Closed Circuit Television”). A store protected by CCTV? I think not, but protected by GMCCTV? Sweet security, my sweet charity, this would be a great idea! How much of a deterrent to thieves would it be if they mounted a Kalashnikov (AK-47, standard rifle for the Russian army) to their store cameras, watched by itchy and twitchy Desert-Eagle-eye security guards with even twitchier trigger fingers? This could be the birthplace of new store mottos like “You steal, you die” or the more subtle “We lose it, you lose it” and “I catch you, I kill you.” I remember reading that in some part of India, thieves upon getting caught, have the offending hand removed. This is no surgical procedure. This is meat-cleaver territory. I do not condone stealing, especially if it’s something precious like your friend’s girlfriend. It comes from the same school of things that made baby Jesus cry.

Maybe you won’t understand me on this next bit because you’ve never felt it, but you’ll know it when/if it happens to you. I found that I can very nearly fall for someone without having ever spoken to them. I’ve watched a girl for a short while and been overwhelmed by her graciousness; been tricked into thinking I’ve fallen for her when I don’t even know her. Sounds sappy I know, but she had this charisma and this presence that you couldn’t put a value on because it was all the way up there (*looks to the high Heavens*). Holding my attention could be likened to the way a child holds onto a well-buttered piece of bread and this revelation to me has bought me shares in the “at first sight” trade. People fall in love with each other everyday; some of these people in chatrooms powered by web browser applets or scripts without having ever seen each other or even heard each other. Text has evolved to the next stage, playing bow to Cupid’s arrow in the 21st century in real time. Lonely hearts columns in the local rag and friend-of-a-friend blind dates have now been made obsolete. Computer dating companies are now fairly redundant.

Love is several mouse-clicks and key-taps away for some people, that’s for sure. A few weeks ago I bumped into an old friend of mine who found love via a chatroom. They met up and obviously hit it off because they’re engaged now, so the best of luck to him. I personally do not buy into this form of dating, nuh-huh. Previously, I’ve put across the fact that I’m not that fussy in the “looks department” and I still stand by this. People who meet after web-trysts and get married, I understand. However, people who have never met prior to getting engaged, I don’t understand and possibly never will. To me, at the risk of sounding maudlin, one of the most precious things we have is seeing someone who captures you. Maybe it’s only for a few seconds, but when she captures you, she keeps a piece of you with her that you’ll never get back. Not even if you ask for it back. That whole altruism and “You’re my life” thing that those great writers of our times wrote about, and those words that are engraved into the romantic languages of the world… I think I understand now, at least for the meantime. Maybe I’m getting soft in my old age. Or crazy? Hmmmm.