“I Could Die For You” by Red Hot Chili Peppers… “Something inside the cards I know is right. Don’t want to live somebody else’s life. This is what I want to be and this is what I give to you because I get it free. She smiles while I do my time… I could die for you. Oh, this life I choose…”

When someone changes, it’s easier to see the changes when you spend some time away from them and then see/talk to them again. I see my brother pretty much every day but it was only recently that I noticed he is getting taller. His growth spurt must be working overtime and it’s confusing my parents even more. Whenever I walk past them in their peripheral vision they always call out his name, mistaking me for him. I find this odd because there is no real way you can confuse the 2 of us. For one, he usually just stays in his room whilst I am always making frequent trips to the kitchen, living room, etc. Ever since he got a new TV, he’s got pretty much everything he needs inside his room. Everything except the bathroom and the supermarket. The thing I find most odd is that my parents mistake me for him even though I’m about half a foot taller than him and am the only one in the house that parades around topless, just wearing shorts. I am clearly the person showing off the most flesh in the house, but only because I comfortably exist at a temperature about 1 degree Celcius lower than most other people (i.e. has nothing to do with being proud of tan lines). When I was younger, if I was walk around with no top on, they’d give me a lecture on pneumonia. They stopped about a year ago because they know by now I’ve developed an immunity to it. ^_^

I was thinking about a topic Sarah brought up recently on the languages of love after she read a book called (abbreviated) The Five Love Languages. The book illustrated how there are 5 basic love languages:

1. Words of Affirmation.
2. Quality Time.
3. Receiving Gifts.
4. Acts of Service.
5. Physical Touch.

The book goes on to say how every person has a preferred way of receiving and showing their love. 2 people may get along very well in a relationship and love each other dearly but there may still be a gap in the relationship because they are not showing their love to each other in a way the other can understand. I like this theory of empathetic love and it sounds plausible due to the random nature of cupid’s arrows, because each person on the planet desires different things.

You will often hear of people in relationships who don’t say “those 3 words” enough or those who get by with limited physical touch. These relationships survive and develop because this is exactly what both people in the relationship want. Probably less often than not, both people will want different things, so have to agree to a compromise and meet halfway. It made me think about what order I’d place each of the 5 languages. Here’s what I came up with (in reverse order of preference):

5. Receiving Gifts… Just spending time with a person I admire is a gift in itself. Sure, a new guitar or a new MD player would be great, but then again, love wasn’t designed to be measured in material items. A sentimental gift that symbolises the connection between 2 people can be something to be cherished. Gifts that you can share with loved ones are always the best.

4. Quality Time… When you love someone (or much less really really really like someone), then can’t any time spent together be classed as “good time?” I could probably be helping her clean out stables, but as long as it was with her, it shouldn’t matter. But over time, if the time spent together isn’t in relaxed, romantic and enjoyable atmospheres, then it would make the relationship fizzle out. I mean, there are ony so many ways you could make stable cleaning a fun activity. Obviously, a stroll in the park or a candlelit dinner with your loved one is more preferable to helping her shift hay and horse manure.

3. Words of Affirmation… You could listen to what they think of you with your ears, or you could listen with your heart. It’s good to hear it with your ears, but sometimes better to acknowledge it with the other senses. Sometimes words become superfluous and at other times hearing their thoughts is another step closer to understanding and cherishing them even more. In a twist of irony, the words that sum it up best for me are “You say it best, when you say nothing at all.”

2. Acts of Service… Gestures sometimes convey good will and love better than any words could. Acts of service cover a wide spectrum of things; the big things and the often important little things. I think most people would rate this as one of their top love languages, because nearly everyone can tell how another person feels about them from their gestures.

1. Physical Touch… The best way to know if someone is there next to you is to reach out and touch them. For me, “holding someone” is true in both senses of the word; to hold her close to me both in mind and body. Feeling her presence beside me and having her pinch me so I know I’m not dreaming.

I’ve always been the sort of person who is sceptical of self-help books/manuals and counselling. I do occasionally flick through some self-help books but whenever I read them I get the feeling there’s a grand scheme of indoctrination going on within the pages and this makes me instantly put up a barrier, preventing me from absorbing anything that jumps from the pages at me. I think it’s because I feel I have it in myself to help myself without anyone else’s help. I am the master of my own destiny. The only thing a book could do is inspire me to try to help myself to become a better person. But then again, isn’t that what self-help books are designed to do? Yes, but I’ll stick to things from the fiction, science and cultural sections.

I’m a total cynic when it comes to counselling. I’m going to choose soft words here in case I find myself having to eat them in years from now, but I think paying a person to listen to your problems and help you solve them is a strange concept. I’m not even going to mention the paying part, because everyone should have a friend or a family member they could turn to and open their heart out to without ever reaching into the wallet. I think counselling should be a last resort when what your friends and family say no longer make sense to you.

Talking about problems is cathartic and everyone has their own method of release and I also know that going to counselling is the best method for some. Personally, I’ll talk to my best friends about things but I don’t ever need anyone to tell me things will be better because I know that already. When you’re in the thick of bad times, the promise of a better tomorrow may seem an empty one, but I have it irreversibly programmed into my brain that things will turn out for the best in the end. Life can throw all the lemons it has at me and I’ll still get through it all no matter what. When it rains, it can pour, but nothing will keep me down for too long. And besides, I love lemonade.

Glenda was asked a nice little riddle during a recent job interview. I’ll paraphrase it here:

There are 2 houses. In house #1 there are 3 light switches and in house #2 there are 3 light fixtures. All 3 switches are in the “off” position. How would you determine which light switch corresponds to which light fixture by visiting each house only once?

Note: Whilst in one house, you can’t look into the other house.

It’s actually straight forward and there are no tricks. If you can solve it like she did within 2 minutes, as a prize I’ll raise all my expectations of you in the future ^_^. Answers on a postcard to the usual address, please.