Sayaka’s “Ever Since” describes my days… “Donna mono ni datte mimi o sumashite aruku arayuru mono ni. Kidzuku koto ga dekiru you ni ushinawanai you ni. Kitto mune no oku ni aru hon no chiisana yuuki. Tsuyoku dakishimete boku wa donna zattou mo toki mo, ikite ikou to omou…” [Japanese] “I walk, listening for anything so that I can notice everything, so I don’t lose anything. If I tightly embrace that little bit of bravery deep inside my heart, I can live through anything…”
It’s still hot but getting cooler. I’m now having to close my window halfway at night otherwise the tongues of the cold wind will lash me whilst I’m trying to sleep. I’m still dreaming vividly, which I attribute to the warm weather and increased intake of carbohydrates (and ice cream). It’s strange to dream nearly every night and have the previous dream related in some way to the next one like it had been most nights of the past week. My dreams aren’t really anything unusual like canned laughter or long tunnels with lights at the end. Mine are largely mundane, run-of-the-mill dreams that mirror real life and obey the laws of physics. They’re nothing-out-of-the-ordinary dreams that have a good chance of maybe coming true, asides from the occasional one, unless you do highly rate the chances of me dating the splendiferous Danielle Graham. I dream about the things I do and will do, and the people I know or maybe will know. Well I guess if I’m dreaming of the stuff that happens in my life anyway, then dreams really are coming true? In my dreams I’m not a fat guy, so does that mean I can still keep eating ice cream?
From Wednesday I spent 3 days commuting to Brighton for my assessments. It’s all been smooth but I’ve been given another project to do, which will take a couple of weeks. I’m really enjoying what I’m doing and I find I’m unsurprisingly more attentive to my work compared with the work I did in my ex-trade of swishing chemicals in the lab and loading agarose electrophoresis gels with DNA (dont’ ask). I scored 92% in my last assessment which I’m extremely pleased about because I didn’t think I did that well. I don’t believe I’ve ever scored higher than about 85% in any tests during my University days either, so it kind of restored my faith in my ability just like that fateful day I scored 100% in a spelling test during primary school. A gold star sticker and a free apple meant so much back then. Lately, I could code till the cows come home and if I knew how, probably even write a script that will let them in through the gate, get them milked and fed. It’s quite rewarding to now know that I’m trained in the number one most demanded skill in the (IT) industry. Show me the money!
The drive to Brighton from London is quite scenic. There’s a part on the motorway where you pass through a long stretch of tree lined boulevards and upon emerging on the other side, you’re met with a view as far as the eye can see. I could see for so far that I wasn’t even sure if it was the sea I was seeing in the distance, carrying the horizon on its back. I squinted my eyes and did everything my eyelids could do to try to determine what I was seeing and all the while thought of Michel Angelo’s biblical “The Separation of Sky and Water” fresco in the Sistine Chapel. It was quite breathtaking and surely one of the reasons why the word “panorama” was invented.
I always pay attention to the detail of the sky when I’m out here in London but the sky never really feels that big. It’s only when I’m out in the wide open spaces around the countryside and seaside that the sky starts to take form of something gigantic. And magnificent. For the last 3 days I was able to see the sky in all its glory, unperturbed by structures of concrete or smog. I would be driving and glance upwards, and it would be like the Heavens had opened up, dividing the clouds in the sky with an undisputed symmetry. They were the most beautiful skies I had seen in a long time and I could have taken a picture but sense always prevails when the vehicle you’re driving is being attacked by 100 mph winds.
Yesterday afternoon, when the sun was beginning to set I went out for a run; a decision that left a sensation in my body of muscular trauma comparable to stock market trading floor pandemonium. Despite this, I was glad because I had promised myself earlier in the week that I would start running again. It had been a while since the last time and something inside of me just pushed me to leave the house and start running, without real sense of direction or destination. I just ran until I could run anymore too see how far I could go.
At the moment I’m relatively quite happy in both body and mind because both are getting a good dose of exercise. I’m beginning to feel healthier and stronger with the exercises I’ve been doing, especially with weights. Before I started, I felt weak. I was unarguably as strong as your average person my age but I just didn’t feel it. My mind and body always felt detached when it came to using my strength so I always felt feeble. Now, that feeling is gone and my mind and body really feel like they’re aligned. You may have heard of the saying, “Healthy body, healthy mind.” There’s a variant of that phrase in possibly every language and there’s a reason for this; it’s damn right. Motion creates emotion.
I saw D every day that I was down in Brighton because he was working in the same building as me. He’s spent much of the last 2 years out of London and I think the cleaner air and exercise has changed him quite a lot. Now he seems sharper and more switched-on than ever. Before, when he used to live in London, he always had this air of slothness about him. He was possibly the most active guy I knew and yet he projected this impression of himself like he was weighed down with a gargantuan chip on his shoulders. Now, he looks more with it and could fool anyone into believing he has the reflexes of a cat. He had been exercising and going to the gym every morning before work and was telling me how it changes your mood throughout the day. I can now see what he’s talking about. This exercise thing is not as overrated as I once believed.
I’ve got a rough plan of what I want to do over the next few years and the wheels are now set in motion. I’m planning to get a lot of things done, so have to make the most of my time. And thus, I have adopted a “carpe diem” stance on how to live life. After all, I don’t know when this will all end. I have no idea where all inspiration came from, but since being injected with this new lease for life, I feel like nothing can get me down. Ambition is like a drug. A sweet drug with good side effects that makes life sweeter. I’m not one who usually quotes scripture, but this one works today:
Ecclesiates 3:1: “There is a time for everything, and a season to every activity under heaven.”
I also decided that I wasn’t taking enough photographs so I’m going to try to take more when I go out. Here’s some more because:
1. It was a lovely day,
2. Mona is always telling me to take more photos.
