Ed Harcourt’s “Beneath the Heart of Darkness” is good old fashioned smokey jazz bar music… “Beneath the heart of darkness lies an old machine that’s reeling. Forgotten dust and sunlight, silent and removed from feeling. The peace in my mind is drowning, fading down. There’s nothing left burning, it’s all out…”
We bought tickets for Pirates of the Caribbean whilst contemplating how the heck one pronounces the new Bennifer movie (starring Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez), Gigli. I’m sure it’s pronounced “Gigglee” but the film might have been more interesting if it was pronounced “Jigglee” (which may have subsequently introduced into the movie the element of shaking things, such as body parts). What would have been even more interesting is if they launched their own ice cream chain, call it “Ben and Jenny’s” and then go on the road selling it, whilst dodging lawsuits from 2 certain famous hippy ice cream makers. And filmed that.
I was watching laugh-out-loud-funny medical comedy drama Scrubs and there was a scene where J.D. (caucasian male) and Turk (black male) were trying to guess which of them the waitress as taking a shine to. J.D. went about trying to determine this by asking her what her flava was; whether she preferred vanilla or chocolate. I turned to Chris, wondering what I could use in substitution to represent my ice cream flavour in a similar scenario.
Me: I guess banana is the most obvious.
Chris: How about, banoffee?
Right, so that’s settled then.
After much delay, I managed to eventually, finally, at last see Pirates of the Caribbean. I’d been waiting for ages for a good pirate movie. The Goonies wasn’t quite a pirate movie, but was the only interesting movie in recent decades to touch on the theme of pirates. Quite frankly, it had been a while since a good pirate swashbuckling movie was made that didn’t star Errol Flynn.
I used to be and am still quite keen on The Secret of Monkey Island. I don’t know how familar people are with this title, but it’s a comedy pirate interactive adventure game released by Lucasarts (as in Lucas of Star Wars fame) at the turn of the 90s. Younger gamers may be familiar with the animated style of the later installments such as Curse of Monkey Island, and may have overlooked the first 2 Monkey Island games which are true classics, being the best in the series. Older gamers would know what I’m talking about when over a mug of grog I jokingly enounce that “You fight like a dairy farmer!” and then by matter of ruse exclaim, “Look behind you! A three-headed monkey!”
Ever since playing and completing the first 2 games, I’d been waiting for the green light on the various rumours I’d heard of potential Monkey Island films. It obviously didn’t happen. So fast forward by around a decade to last year when I heard about a new epic pirate movie being filmed based on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland. I was quite intrigued. Fast forward again by a year or so to yesterday, when that old childhood wish somewhat unravelled before my eyes.
I don’t want to hype it up, especially since you may have heard it is a modern day epic adventure. It is amazing in all senses of the word, especially with the CGI, sets and costumes, but there’s one ingredient that steals the limelight from everything and everyone: Captain Jack Sparrow, as played by Johnny Depp. Depp has come a long way since his 21 Jump Street days and shows his acting prowess never dwindles by scooping each of his featured scenes in both hands and doing a runner with them into the horizon. The film was good and I’d go as far as saying very good, but really came to life when Depp was on screen. It’s a real wonder how in his career he’s never won an oscar, because he’s so different in every movie. I think based on his comedic performance in Pirates of the Caribbean, they should just give him an Oscar. He’s at this best when he plays someone quirky, and he’s not the same type of quirky in all his movies. You watch Brad Pitt play a quirky person in his movies and he’d essentially be the same character he was in Twelve Monkeys over and over again. But you don’t get this pattern with Depp. He’s a different kind of Mr Quirky in Edward Scissorhands, Sleepy Hollow and of course, Pirates of the Caribbean, to name a few. Plus, he can do non comedic roles too, as the brooding Donnie Brasco or the mild mannered Gilbert Grape.
The other thing I’ve noticed about Johnny Depp is the impact he has on the female population. He’s the archetypal and quintessential leading man of my generation and I’ve not heard of any woman that doesn’t like him. To be fair, I’ve not come across any men that say they dislike him either, but we all know why the women really like him (and in some cases, really really really like him, ahuh). Brad Pitt is considered the one desirable Adonis mould that women tend to go for, but I know there are women out there who the Pittster does nothing for; not even so much as a breeze in the knicker department. But when it comes to the Deppster, that’s what women want. Either clothed or wearing cream apparently, from recent surveys.
The extra other thing I noticed is that there is no Johnny Depp equivalent for us guys. There’s no woman that matches his uncompromising charisma and appeal to the point that it would have every man go at least a little tender at the knees in her presence. I’ve asked people who the female equivalent would be, and I hear Julia Roberts, Sharon Stone, etc. but I don’t even admire them, so I doubt they’d be as popular with other men. It’s strange because for every Orlando Bloom we have a Keira Knightley. The young talent out there is counterbalanced, but us guys have been left out when women were given Johnny Depp. That’s so bloody unfair.
The day was rounded off with dinner at a local 50’s diner just off the motorway. I love how it sits there conveniently beside the motorway too, to try and attract chain gang bikers, James Dean wannabes and people generally trapped in episodes of Happy Days. It had been a while since I binged on burgers and southern fries, so it was no surprise that my stomach applauded emphatically in its own style. That’s a cajun style belch to the unassuming.
