I’ve been having many random thoughts lately. Well, to be accurate they feel not so random. I feel entropy, but it’s a good kind of entropy; the kind that makes you feel lost, but happy for it. Since the last long discourse, I hit a square root and Valentine’s day flew by. But while I’m on a roll with trying to describe things accurately, let me clarify that it was actually me who flew by Valentine’s day. I haven’t actually celebrated my birthday yet; this opportunity has been reserved for later today. Come to think of it, I haven’t celebrated Valentine’s day properly yet either. In keeping with the theme of birthdays and Valentines I was going to scribe a few thoughts down but I’m going to do something different this year since right now I feel the right words are evading me. For maybe the first time in my life I cannot seem to extrapolate the feelings coursing through me and translate it accurately into words that everyone could understand. There is a beauty in the things that are not said and I do not want to take that away. In any case, it is not something that can be described. It cannot be spoken of. It is something that exists only to be felt.

I have learned how wonderful it is to know someone who feels the exact same way as me. She is a soul who articulates everything I’m trying to convey into such words that make me nod agreeably to the best of my ability. She makes me want to ignore the words that appear in my head so that I may for the first time truly affirm with my heart and my heart only. She makes me want to remain silent so that I won’t miss a moment of her. And so I do, to listen to her words:

[Running towards Eternity.]

The great philosopher and psychologist Jean Piaget once asked a five-year old child: “What makes the wind?”

Julia: “The trees.”

Piaget: “How do you know?”

Julia: “I saw them waving their arms.”

Piaget: “How does that make the wind?”

Julia (waving her hand in front of his face): “Like this. Only they are bigger. And there are lots of trees.”

Piaget: “What makes the wind on the ocean?”

Julia: “It blows there from the land. No. It’s the waves…”

Piaget believed that the key to comprehending the way we deduce things lies in understanding how a child’s mind develops. How uncomplicated everything used to be! Settling on an answer to explain something new was such a simple matter. Our first steps brimmed with a pure curiosity and were devoid of fear and suspicion. Eagerly, we hurried forth to scribble notes and thoughts about the new world on our slates, consumed by an incomparable hunger for fascination and zeal to uncover all the answers. Like flowers to sunlight, we reached out for knowledge and experience with smiles on our upturned faces.

But gradually we became aware of the presence of others and the formidable barriers from within. They watched us with sinister eyes and inhibition began its silent but deadly invasion of our minds. It crept upon our shoulders and across our clear countenance and its terrible weight bowed our heads so that we now gazed wearily at the dust at our shuffling feet. Thus ended our childhood.

I, like any other child, failed for a while to notice the existence of a harness that society wordlessly held out towards me, while I rambled on unconcernedly about new discoveries and theories. When the purpose of the harness finally dawned upon me, I had no choice but to take it and wear it over my own thoughts. But I never actually fastened it too tightly, nursing an almost absurd hope that one day, another would materialize before me and assure me I would be accepted by at least one person other than myself if I were to cast it aside. Till then, I would continue to seek my own answers to things, tirelessly conjuring them up with a mad defiance in the privacy of my mind. Until my day of judgement arrived, I was determined to remain strongly aware of myself and to stand firm for what I believed was right. I would carry on touching everything in my life, interconnecting the elements and weaving a delicate web of thoughts to which I would entrust my entire weight.

But as time passed, I watched my hope of ever finding a like-minded soul slowly being eroded and replaced by a weary sense of submission. In my panic, I scrabbled for a better hold on the mountain of philosophies and beliefs I had worked all my life to build, and instead told myself that perhaps the one to cure me of my loneliness would be one who dared to challenge my mind, driving me forwards with renewed energy each time we interacted. I soon discovered, however, that when the challenging turns into petty disputes, a distasteful clash of opinions, with neither side willing to yield, it becomes most taxing and tiring and when I retreat from the battlefield, my precious beliefs have been cracked and my self-confidence badly shaken.

Throughout my teen years, I was constantly plagued by one recurring dream in particular. In this dream, I was on a busy street, in a crowded mall, on a small lane in a quiet countryside. Each time, my eyes would be ceaselessly combing my surroundings for something I was unable to put a name to. Curiously, I never scrutinized the faces of dream-people, although I was endlessly turning my head this way and that to search everywhere in sight. In addition to this strange dream-behaviour, I was ever conscious of the presence of a visually-imperceptible “skin” wrapped tightly around me, which cruelly heightened that sense of loneliness I had always tried to ignore in reality. It did not, however, bother me as much as my inability to name the thing I was so desperately seeking. I would arouse from these dreams horrified, and in full realization that the urge to find the thing that would not be named had only retreated into my mind’s abyss to lie dormant for the time being. The torment this vision unleashed upon my mind was worse than any nightmare that I could ever recall; that incessant feeling of not recognizing what was lacking. My fear of the impossibility of my secret yearning slowly and deliberately smothered what remained of my faith.

And then you found me.

The world shuddered and my heart leapt upon recognition. I was gazing into the most wonderful mirror which had ever been created. It was a mirror which said to me: “You are not alone.” The mere crossing of paths has already been a great reward in itself in that it has caused me rethink everything I’ve been living for. If life’s wonders had been enchanting before, this new realization of the enormity of its proportions is completely overwhelming. Were we created for each other, or was our union planned to serve some higher purpose?

And what is the probablility of discovering another soul with almost identical ideals amongst the billions of people inhabiting this planet? I wonder what ingredients would be required to create a good copy of a soul. Genes and memes, time and space, meteorological and geographical factors. So many different things to consider at once, each with an infinite number of options. What colour would the clouds have to be on this certain day at this certain time in that person’s life, to channel the direction of their thoughts, such that we might eventually cross paths two decades later and meet upon common ground? Did these little details mean everything that is us, or are we really just little parts of an even more wonderful manufacture? Fate assumes an infinite number of facets and is something which refuses to be defined by something as primitive as mere words of earthly languages. If our fates were truly written down from the day we were born, what magnificient power was needed to interweave the lives of billions of characters! If I didn’t believe in gods before, I certainly would now. Has witnessing a dream take on life ever been more miraculous? How many people have been fortunate enough to see life take on new life?

I leaned over to look into the depths of your soul, and tumbled into you, and straight into eternity. But I feel that this is more than just love. Love is but a pallid creature in comparison to the invigorating surge of energy the knowledge of your existence feeds me. It inspires the very life within me. Like a curious child who has just begun to see, I now notice the intricate curves and grooves of the petals of each new day slowly unfolding to smile at the sun with an amazing clarity that takes my mind and soars with it high up into the neverending blue sky.

How far will we travel, and where will our journey end? Or will it ever end? But just as a book’s worth is dramatically reduced when you skip to the last page, so it is with a life’s journey. And I hope I may travel it with you.